Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
