You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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