i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His nipple licking is glorious
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