I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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