So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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