if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize