I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
