That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
