my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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