rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
