after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
