you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
