i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
