he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
