You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
