At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
