I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
