I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
