You're my little dorito
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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