He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
