Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
