who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
