it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
