Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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