So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
