I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
