Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
