careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
