I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
