he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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