Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
