I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
