He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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