Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
