Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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