Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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