two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
