i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
