Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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