do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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