i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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