i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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