i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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