Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
