Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
