If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
