i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
