I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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