you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
