Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
