Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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