Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
