I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
