matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i came on her dog
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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