It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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