At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
