Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
