everyone is single if you try hard enough
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
