everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize