i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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