you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
