Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she told me i tasted like america
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
