she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
