Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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