i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
