The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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