Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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