Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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