So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
