Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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