On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
