I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
