at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
