I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize