her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
