She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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