LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
