My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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