pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
