she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have post one night stand depression
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
