dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
