found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
