Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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