Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
