drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
