I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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