Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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