My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
