I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
