I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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