It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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