the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
